The Baby
by Broadwaylover5300
Summary: Corny and Amber have their first child. Corny/Amber.


**Hi! Here's another little fic inspired by Bill Cosby!**

**One little note: Corny and Amber are married in this story. I bet you already knew that, didn't you?**

The big day was coming up.

It was eight months ago when the doctor had told Corny and Amber that they were going to have a baby. Corny had immediately gotten excited. Like every father, Corny had wanted a boy, a boy who he could teach to dance and sing and how to play baseball and football.

What Corny didn't know was that God has a sense of humor. When he and Amber decided that they wanted to have a baby, they had prayed that they could have a child that they could raise and be proud of. Corny knew now that if one left that much open, some wonderful jokes were going to come about. When the doctor told them that they were going to have a girl, Corny realized that this had to be one of those jokes.

So Corny and Amber got ready for the baby. They bought a crib and put it together, bought loads upon loads of baby toys, went down lists and lists of names (they finally settled on Marie), and things like that.

It wasn't until five months after the announcement that Amber had decided that they had to go to classes to learn how to have "natural childbirth."

"You have to go to class to learn how to do this?" Corny asked.

"Well, if you want to do it right, you do!" Amber answered.

"They do it in impoverished countries all the time!" Corny exclaimed. "Some lady's working in the field, the baby comes out, and that's it! You need to go to class for that? According to TV, all you really need for a birth is hot water!"

Corny continued to argue, and Amber just dug her feet in deeper and became more stubborn. Eventually, Amber dug her feet in deep enough and Corny consented to go, still not entirely understanding why one had to go to class to learn how to do something that people do naturally.

Corny soon learned what one did in these classes. Amber learned how to breathe right, and Corny learned how to bend his wife in half and yell "PUSH!" They gave out diplomas when one learned how to do this right (Corny didn't understand why he needed a diploma for learning how to do something like what he learned to do), and Corny was surprised when he learned that, had he not received his diploma, he wouldn't be able to attend the birth! At least, Corny told himself, they had graduated at the top of their class.

xxx

It was the end of the nine months. Corny drove home from the studio in his brand new Ford Thunderbird and walked inside, only to find Amber lying on the couch, her face red and sweaty.

"Corny!" she yelled, breathing exactly the right way.

Corny, getting a little too excited, yelled, "PUSH!" before he realized that he and Amber had to go to the hospital for the natural childbirth. Corny quickly shuffled Amber into the car and sped off to the hospital.

When they got there, Corny quickly ran Amber into the hospital. Corny was surprised when they didn't really have to wait that long. Corny figure that probably the reason they didn't have to wait all that long was because Amber was already almost completely dilated.

They were rushed into the delivery room, Amber was placed onto the bed, her feet were put into the stirrups, and Amber laid there for a second, trying to catch her breath, while the doctor just sat there, waiting for the baby to show its head.

That was when the first real pain hit. Amber puckered her lips and made a sputtering sound.

"Push?" Corny timidly said.

Suddenly, the second pain hit.

"WAHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRGGGGHHH!" Amber screamed. Amber grabbed Corny's hospital gown, yanked him closer, and yelled, "I WANT MORPHINE!"

"No, honey, you don't want morphine-" Corny began.

"SHUT UP!" Amber cut Corny off. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!"

After a few more contractions, Amber pulled herself together enough to start her breathing and pushing.

Eventually, Amber started getting tired. "I don't wanna push anymore, Corny!" she cried. "I want morphine! I don't wanna graduate from the class anymore!"

Corny, while trying to calm Amber down, looked where the baby was supposed to be coming out, and saw the baby's head.

"Isn't that the baby?!" Corny yelled at the doctor.

"Yeah," the doctor replied.

"Well, go get it!"

"It's stuck!"

"Well, go get the salad spoons!" Corny exclaimed.

The doctor eventually did so, and when the baby came out, Corny just stared at it for a few seconds. He watched as the nurse cleaned the baby off, and things weren't getting any better. So, Corny walked over to Amber and kissed her on the lips.

"Amber," Corny said, "I love you very much."


End file.
